I woke up at 3am and had an epiphany! It was so big I couldn’t actually fall back to sleep.
Back story. We had a death in the family and had to travel up north 3 hours to attend a funeral. Note, this was a Maori funeral which is a 3 a day affair with lots of kissing on the cheeks <think sharing of germs>, lots of standing around outside and in a tent since the homes aren’t big enough to host 200+ people and lots of work making food to feed all 200 people. Plus it is winter and it was FREEZING.
One of my jobs over the weekend was spending four hours in the garage making fried bread with my mother-in-law and I guess over the course of the weekend got sick.
In fact I got really sick. I had a horrible head cold, fever, and sore throat, which lead to me losing my voice. Like totally and completely lost my voice. I have only been able to whisper for 48 hours now.
Initially I found it kind of funny thinking this will only last like a half a day and I’ll end up having a sexy voice for a half a day. And hey, that’s not too bad.
Well I couldn’t have been more wrong.
This time it has been totally different. This has the longest I have been without my voice.
It was at the 48 hour mark when I woke up at 3am and realised what a daft cow I have been. <sorry I just love that kiwi/british phrase and it totally describes me>
Ok, maybe I am being a bit harsh on myself, but seriously.
I have taken for granted a gift.
Have you ever done that?
Well I have the gift of my voice and sharing my message with the world. And I took that for granted.
You may be asking how?
I took it for granted out of FEAR.
What a lame excuse!
And to be honest, I don’t even know what I was really afraid of. Would I die doing a video? Nope.
I guess it came down to, not believing in what I had to share, what I had to offer, what I had to give to others. I didn’t trust that I actually have a message to share. I didn’t think it was worth sharing.
Yes of course I shared via my blogs posts and my newsletters. But I could be sharing so much more and I just didn’t because I was scared.
What if I look stupid? What if I make a mistake? what if I have a bad hair day? What if I no one listens? What if? What if? What if?
Well, I am making a promise right here and right now that this is done. I will never take my voice for granted again.
Prior to being pregnant and in the hospital with my son at 26 weeks pregnant with a placental abruption, I used to complain ALL the time about having to stop and eat food. I literally used to get annoyed that I had to actually stop what I was doing and get food. I found it a nuisance. I know, I am odd. But hear me out.
During my 10 day stay in the hospital, they prepped me 4 times for emergency C-Section. And each time they had to take me off of food. Now remember I am pregnant and if you know me, when I am hungry I can get a bit “h-angry.”
It was horrible. I was starving. <ok that is an exaggeration, but if you’ve ever been pregnant and you get hungry, you literally feel like you could be starving>
I swore from that point forward I would never complain about having to take time to eat again. And you know what I haven’t complained not once. I remember oh too well what it was like to NOT be able to eat when you are starving and then for them to say, nope we won’t do the C-section today. But they just kept you starving for 4 hours.
So, when I make this commitment I mean it.
I will not take my voice and my message for granted again. I have something to share and share it I will.
For now this is in a written format, but I will be sharing more the moment my voice is back. It might even sound a bit creaky, but I will share it.
I hope it inspires you to share your message as well.
xoxo
Brigid
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